Most mornings I do enjoy the morning walk to work,
cutting through a delightful, decently sized park that allows the avoidance of
the junkies I would otherwise meet along the way. And it mostly consists of me talking nonsense
about things that are usually bumming around in my noggin while Heid looks on,
thinking his own thoughts and hoping that I either make sense at some point or
just give him some peace to wake up properly.
Well, Monday past, I was running late.
Heid was having none of this and left, leaving me to
rummage around the flat, swearing like a swearer because I couldn't find either my keys
or wallet which then ended up being in my bag where I last left them.
Keen to catch up with the “long left ago” Heid, I
made like a hip waddling speed walker for the park. And there he was, a glimpse in the distant
horizon.
On this particular morn there had been a storm the
previous evening and branches, leaves and sticks were simply just shat all over
the park path. (I should add here, while
running/waddling through the park in “intent on catching up” fashion, I did
infact REALLY enjoy stomping on branches creating a tiny bone crunching
cracking sound, while in my head videos of 80s adventure movies were playing
and I was taken to some jungle type scenario where I was running away from a
big boulder that’s been set upon me by some baddies)
Before I had a chance to begin a running commentary
of said boulder and baddies, I saw before me a corker of a branch layen
“a-strew” by the park path. And despite
its pleas of, “LEAVE ME!! DON’T TOUCH
ME, GO AWAY!!! BECAUSE YOU WILL LOOK LIKE A MENTAL IF YOU BEGIN RUNNING THROUGH
THE PARK WITH ME IN YOUR HAND”
I didn't listen.
The plan was instantly formed in what I deemed to be
amusing which was catching up with Heid from behind and poking him up the arse
with the stick.
There were several flaws to this plan.
1) Heid had made good distance by this time,
meaning I would really have to run far more than I would like in order to catch
up.
2) To others enjoying/not enjoying they’re
morning park walk, I would just look like a woman running through the park with
a big stick.
3) I wouldn't exactly describe the “stick”
as a “big stick” but more like “part of a tree” seeing as it was around 6 foot
long with several other branches and leaves still intact.
Still did it though.
Took both hands to hold it and run at the same time
which made me move in a slightly unbalanced mental run type way.
Despite this, I was running and laughing at
the same time to myself because the image of what I may have looked like was
amusing me. (I will just say at this
point, my fella, “The Heid”, was not any closer).
When passing/running/hobbling past a couple of
council park workers, although I have the will to run through a park with a 6
foot branch I didn't have the will to meet their gaze, but I did see out from
the corner of my eye that the heads did turn and the sight of me laughing to
myself and running around with a stick managed to stop their conversation.
Still.
Onwards I ran.
Unfortunately, I blew my own cover, and as the
branch tip barely met Heid’s arse, he turned round in time to see me out of
breath, bent over, laughing with a 6 foot part of a tree.
Oh well.
Plenty more days ahead to be stupid.
